wayuptomars

Changin' the old LJ once again. I may now be found at ------->

teatimeothesoul

Mainly changing because I want to make everything super locked down, and this is easier than going back and friend locking every single entry in this one. Comment on there and I'll add you. I know LJ is going down like a slow-motion Hindenberg, but I know there are at least a handful of you people who still talk to me and love me, and that's all I want. See yous :)

WHOA WHOA HEY INTERNET. I'm still alive and everything. I just don't have internet at my apartment, and I usually feel weird getting out my laptop and blogging in public spaces, haha. I'm in the library now though and there aren't too many people around so I don't feel as weird.

So, yeah, I've been in Athens for like, maybe three weeks now? I'm not sure how long. But I've moved in and gone to my whole orientation! The entire orientation was pretty much about teaching, so now I feel a bit more prepared for it, but it does still scare me a lot. That and the fact that I ended up signing up for a Milton class, so I'm going to have a ton of work on top of teaching. It's intimidating, but I am trying so hard to approach this whole thing with a hugely positive and energetic attitude.

I really should have a lot more to say, but I'm kind of overwhelmed by everything. I think I might start a new LJ once I have more reliable internet access. I did it right after I started undergrad, so it seems appropriate to do again, and I could have only the faithful readers and non-creeps on the list!

Hello! I am mainly posting now because featherwritten encouraged me to write more! Well, also, I'm feeling kind of like a crap sandwich. These past few weeks should have been really good, because it's the last time I'm possibly ever going to have where I've got nothing I have to do at all. That sounds great, but when you have very little besides school/work to fill up your life, it isn't so great. It isn't anyone's fault other than mine, but basically, I see Corey about twice a week, and aside from that, I'm just sort of floating along. I wouldn't mind if I had anything going on, and I guess I have been reading a lot more and that's nice, but aside from that I end up either sitting in front of the computer or napping for a huge part of my day.

I think it comes down to the fact that anything useful I could feasibly be getting up to is all pointed in the direction of moving. Although I know it's best for me and I'll like it after I get used to it and blah blah, right now I just don't want to think about it. I knew I'd have this reaction, and I guess I hoped I would deal with it a little better than I am. (Also, apparently Daniel is having some money confusion with the people at OU, and even though I had a similar problem that was worked out quite easily, I'm frightened by the thought that he might not have the money he'll need, because we already signed a three-person lease.) I guess I just need to remember, like I always have to do in these situations, that of the millions of things I have freaked out over in my lifetime, pretty much none of them have turned out to be a really big deal.

ALSO. I want to go to the beach in about a week or two with Corey's family. They're renting a house down there so I can pretty much go for free, his parents will probably even pay for a fair amount of my food because they're nice like that. I had made this decision a few weeks ago and told my mom about it and everything, and it was all cool. Unfortunately, there were some problems for a few days with his parents, and they thought they might not go, so when my mom asked what was going on, I told her. Now they're sure they're going again, but it seems I've got to make my decision all over again. I'm maybe 75% sure that I still want to go, but my mother is making me feel really guilty about it, and I understand that and everything, I guess.

I guess maybe a lot of other people in my situation might not understand the guilt aspect, but the thing is, we've lived alone for years. Though she has my grandmother and sister just a few miles away, she feels lonely when I leave her alone even for a day or two. This wouldn't be so bad, except that 1) the vacation is about ten days long, and 2) I'm leaving for good about a week and a half after I would come back from the vacation. Should I miss out on the only vacation I've had a chance to go on in years? Should I leave my mom alone and lonely instead of making the most out of the time I have left to stay here? IT'S HARD.

UGH BLAH BLAH BLAH ANGST. I'm conflicted about graduate school and a free vacation, guys, my life is hard! WELL, SEE, that was all the stuff that was going on in my mind worrying me, and I can't help it if they're the most first world problems ever. I suppose I feel better for having gotten them out.

There are not-crappy things going on in my life now as well, though! The main one being that I have been pretty successful at losing weight in the past month or two. I think I'm down about twenty pounds from whenever my heaviest point was in the winter. I still don't think I'm down to where I was before I started BC pills, though. Can we appreciate the irony here for just one second? You take them so that you can have worry-free sex, but then they make it so that you don't want to have sex with anyone because you feel like a whale. Anyway, I've been doing okay like I said plus the fact that I haven't really been exercising. After I move, I'll be walking and biking a whole lot more, and that should give me a boost. At least, that's the plan. I hope I don't get lazy and just drive everywhere. I don't think I will, though, because I really hate driving and I'll be happy not to have to do it any more.

Ugh. I'm clearly out of practice with the whole LiveJournal thing, because I only write tl;dr walls of text now and have no idea how to end the thing. FAREWELL, DEAR LIVEJOURNAL, UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN?

Oh, Livejournal! I have news for you! I have secured a dwelling! That is right, I am an official one-third renter of one whole floor of a beautiful house in scenic Athens, Ohio! Here is a picture linked from the posted ad for the downstairs apartment - but the street-level part there is ours! (Eh, THE YARD AND THE TREES ARE NOT DEAD. That is apparently a winter picture.)

The thing is, I've been all on the Facebook and the Twitter talking about this, so I'm pretty sure no one reading here has not already heard about it from one of the other places on the internet where I post the sometimes interesting details of my life. But that's beside the point! It happened, and thus I am obligated to give it a run-down in my Livejournal, so that's what's happening now. I even have a Facebook album of (crappy phone) pictures! The awesome things about this apartment are as follows:

- Cute kitchen
- Hardwood floors
- Off-street parking
- Downtown and campus within walking distance
- Rent includes everything except electric bill
- Friendly landlord and maintenance folks
- Said friendly folks made an exception to the no pets rule so that I can have my cat (!)

The cons about this apartment are... uh? It has radiator heat? I don't even know if that's a bad thing, the only experience I've ever had with radiators was when the one in my old dorm room shot hot water across the room for several hours one evening, but that's because it was in an ancient and poorly-maintained building, which this is not.

SO, I am moving on August 15th. Moving will be so stressful because I have so much stuff to get/move/find/buy/clean/etc.! However, once I am settled, and I have my awesome boyfriend and roommate and awesome cat with me, and have done a little bit of decorating, I think I will be quite happy. Is it weird that I am so, so excited to live somewhere walkable? I have never been lucky enough to live anywhere with anything to do within walking distance of my front door. In case acquaintance with me hasn't been enough to make you aware of this, LIVING IN THE BOONIES SUCKS, and I am very glad to be almost-not-doing-that-any-more.

In less exciting news, I've been demoted to driving my dad's old van, to which I can only say LOL. I console myself by reminding myself that I probably won't have to use it much after I move. Also by reminding myself that I'm not in high school any more, and no one should judge me based on my car, and also by forgetting about the fact that most people my age can afford something nicer than whatever old beater their dad had lying around. JUNO HAD A VAN, JUNO WAS COOL RIGHT GUYS? JUNO ALSO DIDN'T LIKE SONIC YOUTH AND NEITHER DO I~ juno was also 16 and pregnant which is not cool and also i am neither of those things

All I am doing today, though, is sitting around and trying to not feel so disgusting, because I am having Lady Issues (TM). Maybe later I will come up with something else interesting to say? But probably not?

day 18 → whatever tickles your fancy



It's a 70s commercial for a German bank with John Cleese and it's funny fuck yeah. I was gonna post something from Jeeves and Wooster but everything was too long and no one's gonna watch it anyway so whatever. I was also going to do another one today, but the next one is "a talent of yours", and I'm going to have to think about that one because I haven't got any talents, hahahaha. Cry.

OH HO HO. Didn't think this was going to make a comeback, did you? Well, it's just that kind of night. I would feel worse about this but I'm pretty sure like 3 other people on my FL started this and never finished it. BEHOLD,

RETURN OF 30 DAYS MEME ~EXPANDED EDITION UNCUT

day 14 → a non-fictional book

Honesty time: I don't really read a lot of non-fiction. I mean, when I do, it's, like, criticism. Now that I think about it, the last non-fiction I read was probably Sarah Vowell stuff in late high school.

However, coincidentally enough, the next book I'm planning on reading is nonfiction: Fordlandia, by Gred Grandin. I'll let you know how it pans out.

day 15 → a fanfic

Oh gosh, okay, I don't really read fanfic either. To be honest, what I generally do is get into a movie or TV show or book or whatever, look up the fandom community or site, find the craziest premise/pairing that I can find, LOL about it, then get too skeeved out to actually read it all the way through. This isn't because all fanfic is creepy and bad, but more that I gravitate toward that kind because I'm a masochist. (I did go on a Holmes/Watson binge a while ago, after the movie came out, because I loved the movie so much. It generally wasn't too bad, as these things go, I guess, unless I've just become so warped and jaded by the internet.)

But anyway, I guess I can always link to good old My Immortal. I'm pretty sure it's fake but if you haven't read it, just do it.


day 16 → a song that makes you cry (or nearly)

I was going to cop out and pick a pretty, sad song that would make anyone feel vaguely emotional, but I'm going to get all childhoody and specific with the song from The Secret of N.I.M.H.. I guess it's possible for it to sound really corny and 70s to someone who didn't experience the movie as an impressionable wee one? All I know is that I didn't even play the whole video after I searched it up 'cause I don't feel like bawling tonight. It's not like I remember the specific sad elements of the movie's plot when I hear the song, but it's just tied to all this fragile childhood memory stuff, you know how it is.


day 17 → an art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)

Chiharu Shiota's Walking In My Mind installation?



Amazing.

I "substituted" for Dr. M. again today. I use quotes because I didn't really do anything. I just ran a DVD player. I didn't really want to lead a discussion because I am shy and awkward and don't know how to do these things. Ignore the fact that I will be a TA for a living in... three months. Anyway, maybe I'll get paid okay for it?

Last night I couldn't sleep, as evidenced by the rambly and histrionic post. Whatever, regrets are for fools. I napped all afternoon, though, and had a dream that my dad had another daughter he never told me about who was about 7 or 8 years old. I cried a lot in my dream because I thought my dad loved her more and I was jealous. Clearly it's not like dreams are a manifestation of subconscious insecurities or anything like that. Cough. I don't actually understand it. I miss my dad because I don't see him a whole lot, but I never felt like he didn't love me. Paging Dr. LiveJournal.

God, how fast are they cranking out these Twilight movies? I thought the last one just came out and apparently the next one is out at the end of this month. Whatever, I hope R. Pattz lives a long and happy life because he is actually the man.

Found out that one of our apartments is getting renovated and we can't see it until like, two weeks from now. Kind of lame because we'll have to make another trip and we'll probably do it in one day, and I don't like that. Too stressful! But cheaper - motels be expensive. Our two bed room at Days Inn was $80 for one night. D: But split 3 ways I guess it's not so bad, and I think we're gonna get pretty good at dividing by three if we're going to be roommates.

Don't you know that 12:50 AM, when you need to be up at 8, is LJ time?

Today, I planned an Ohio trip for Monday and Tuesday with Corey and Daniel. We reserved a motel room and found five or six apartments to check out. A few of them seem like really good prospects, possibly even too good to be true. I'm trying to be optimistic without getting my hopes up too much.

I also got pressured into agreeing to try to do summer Shakespeare this morning, then convinced myself to back out by this afternoon. The professor in charge said he really, really, really wanted me to do it, swore me to secrecy, and said he didn't want to cast Girl X as the lead because she didn't seem to have much potential, and thought I'd do a much better job. Later I saw Girl X getting all excited on Facebook about being cast in the role. Reader, I want to say I that did not feel a slight sense of condescension. I want to. Honestly, if I'd agreed to do it and been cast, I highly doubt I would have lived up to expectations, because I'm a terrible actor. It's kind of flattering that I somehow came off as someone who would make a good actor, though.

Honestly, right now, I'm mainly writing because a) I want to procrastinate on going to sleep, and b) I am ravenously thirsty, and I'm waiting for a bottle of water to get cold enough. I know that sounds crazy, but there are never any cold drinks in the house. Tonight, I remembered my love for Violator/Music for the Masses-era Depeche Mode and short-lived but intense crush on Andy Fletcher of same. I always assume that Depeche Mode songs are about gay relationships, even though, to the best of my knowledge, the members are straight. Maybe? It really intensely takes me back to my freshman year of college, which is a bit weird, because I was actually miserable for about 90% of it until I met Corey. But I did listen to those albums a lot while walking back and forth to German class at night and trying to convince myself to stay in my dorm room with my horrible roommate instead of going home to my mom. (I usually went home anyway.)

But also, I'm having this problem. The problem is that I actually feel really creative, but I don't have any outlet for it. Normally, I'd want to write, but I did such a horrible job and was so uncomfortable in creative writing class this year, and it makes me feel like a failure. I know if I just do it for my own pleasure, that I'd never have to show anyone, but it seems like if I can't even write a sensible short story in an entire semester even when I'm really, really trying, that if I tried to write now as a creative outlet I'd just end up more frustrated and embarrassed than when I began. (Also, with a few exceptions, it seems that everyone I know my age who is seriously into creative writing is, well, massively pretentious and annoying. If you're reading this I promise I am most likely not talking about you.)

Anyhow, I really feel as though I'll never write anything that I'm not utterly embarrassed by, no matter how many times I try, and yet when I consider never trying again it's a really unpleasant thought. So should I try again, or just go back to embroidery? I did do some pretty awesome owls on a pillowcase the other day, so I might actually have aptitude for that.

I should also decide what to read next. I'm almost done with Inkheart. I love YA literature. ESCAPISM IS AWESOME and I also have a fictional character crush on Mo, but not Brendan Fraser, because I'm sure that movie was awful, but the Mo that I imagined when reading, which is something like a cross between how I imagined Atticus Finch and something else. I just sat here for a bit trying to figure out who the other character was but all I could come up with is Niles Crane. Which is not exactly right. Anyway, I think I'm either going to give Cory Doctorow's YA books another chance because I have an idea for a CHLA paper, or maybe read another P. G. Wodehouse book, or maybe try Fordlandia.

I actually feel really good right now, because I'm doing what I used to do on LiveJournal, which is just write anything that comes to mind at an hour when I should be in bed. This is a good feeling and I want it to continue, so if you get tired of reading this kind of thing, you know, scroll?

Water, are you cold enough yet?

OH MY GOSH. I've figured out my problem with LiveJournal. While I'm in school, I'm too busy to update, and when I'm out of school, my life is too boring, so I haven't got anything to update about. I guess this summer should be different, though! However, so far, all I've done is graduate and fill out my FAFSA. My plan is to take a trip to Ohio in the next two weeks to apartment hunt. This is scary, because I've never done that before. All I really know to do is just go online and look up places, make phonecalls, and show up, look around, and try to figure out if the place is suitable and if we could pay rent. Basically, I just want a place where I can bike or walk to campus, and that's the main concern. It might be difficult to locate, but it's more or less my only necessity. Well, that, and being able to have a cat would be a huuuuge plus.

Um, I've gotten some cute apartment stuff! My mom got me a toaster oven and a set of dishes for graduation. Other people got me a cookbook and gift coupons to restaurants in Athens, haha. So it's obvious that people realize my love of food. I hope I have some time to cook after moving!

I'm also going to have to give my grandma back the Honda. She's really kind of too old to be driving but I can't be like GRANDMA YOU OLD GIVE ME YOUR CAR. Therefore, my dad is going to give me his old van. -_- It drives well and everything though I guess, so... yeah. It shall henceforth be referred to as the Family Truckster.

Well, anyway, today I hung out with my boyfriend and played Street Fighter all day. I also got Chinese take-out for, if you will believe it, the first time in my life. I mean, I've gone to the restaurant before, but never gotten it to go. It's buffet-style and you just fill up a box, though, so I got a feast and I still have about half left.

OK THIS ISN'T VERY INTERESTING but I'm trying to get back into my old habit of writing every pointless thing down in my LJ for no reason. Really, writing here makes me realize how much my style is lacking when I'm not writing a paper (and even when I am half the time). Tomorrow I'll talk about more stuff of some sort and also go back and do some of that long meme! Maybe several days at once!

First of all, apologies if the formatting on this entry is all messed up. I spilled coffee on the single most important key on my keyboard! The enter key! Because I am stupid!

Second of all, I graduate in two weeks. That's one real week and finals. AAAAH.

Third of all, an interview meme from my_snailshell! I'm not gonna re-post the part where I'm supposed to ask you questions right now because 1) I don't have time to come up with new questions right now and 2) no one ever participates in my memes anyway. :(

( Yyyyyyyup )